Christmas is on the way....!

I’m really looking forward to Christmas as December creeps in! I have been listening to Christmas songs for the last 2 weeks or so much to the despair of my parents! Christmas comes earlier each year! Haha!
I am still to buy myself an advent calendar as I have had one every year! On the 1st of December we will be putting up our large fibre optic tree & switch on the lights on our tree in the front garden! My parents put the sparkly blue lights on the tree in preparation and to test them out! I will post pictures of them soon!
We decorate the whole of the living room with little ornaments of Christmas such as little Santa’s and light up snowmen and also some bouncing Santa’s that you hang up and then when you hit them they go “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” ! Our house is going to look sooooo festive!! I’m already feeling VERY festive as there’s Christmassy commercials, lights, Xmas shopping in town!

My list for Christmas!

• opening my advernt calender
• Get a sexy haircut
• Go the junior school's christmas fayre
• Send christmas cards
• Putting the fibre optic tree up in the living room
• switching on the christmas lights on the tree outside
• decorate the living room with tinsel!
• Load Christmassy pictures from my camera!
• Go shopping for christmas outfits to wear on Christmas Eve & Day
• Wrap presents
• Go to my nana's house in Middlesbrough to see the rest of the family & exchange presents
• Listen to even more christmas songs (including playing Wham - Last Christmas a thousand times!!)
• See mates for christmas Eve as we get together as group and catch up!
• Celebrate christmas Day with parents and brother, open presents and go to the pub
• Watch Christmas TV specials including Dr who!

Ah What a good & busy time Christmas is! I hope everyone else has a good and Happy Christmas planned! xx

Showing off...

I have never made a secret that I am deaf and have a cochlear implant to people I meet but I never really show my cochlear implant off....
I always wear my hair down & hate it when I show my ears off sometimes because of the surgery i've had on both my ears, i'm left with my right ear that's flat as a pancake thats practically stuck to my head and my left ear that sticks out a bit because of my cochlear implant that rests on it. I get scared of showing it off in case someone snatches the cochlear implant from my ear so i never really wear my hair up when I go to town or somewhere busy like that! I'll wear my hair up when i'm spending time with family or seeing friends at their houses! I just couldn't risk losing my cochlear implant because it's a part of me, its the first thing I put on in the morning to the time I take it off for bed and I wouldn't like it if something happened to it and I had to spend a few days without hearing!

I'm going to wear my hair up for the volunteering at the junior school tomorrow. Only 3 kids know I am deaf in the class I help in because I told them on Wedsnesday and showed them the cochlear implant. Kids are always curious about things they dont know about! It's probably gone around the class now that "Laura's deaf!" Maybe that will teach them not to be so noisy in the class in future and listen to me! hehe I hope the kids understand what a cochlear implant is though?! If not, I shall let them know!

Owwwww...

I just had me another fall tonight owwww! God i hate it when that happens! It's usually because I'm so bloody clumsy and trip over my own feet! I dont pick my legs up enough when I'm walking so usually if there's a bump or anything in the pavement, I'll certainly trip over it!

:O(

When I have some kind of fall, it always seem to go in slow motion... weeeeeeeeee bump to the ground! Landed on my bottom and sorta pulled my arm so they will be sore tomorrow!!
I'm definitely staying in to bed tomorrow so I dont have to spend the day with a pain in my bum!

At least it's not the worse fall! The worst fall I had was after the month in hospital (see blog post Myasthenia gravis) and after I had Christmas to recover from that month in hospital, me and my family went to holiday destination Blackpool that summer in 2004 but because I wasn't fully back to normal health, the walking everywhere for a week took it's toll on me and at the end of the holldiay when we were just walking to the car to go back home, I finally collapsed!

My legs just totally went but it wasn't just me that was hurt with the massive bruises on my knees because I hit concrete floor! You see, when I'm with my mum, we always link arms (putting my arms throught my mum's arms)when we are walking together, and when I fell that time, I was still holding her arm so she took the whole weight of me and ended up with a bruise on her arm too from where I had grabbed hold of her to stop me falling forward. I knew it was heavy fall because I end up making a hole in the jeans I was wearing at the time! I was just so fustrated at the time at falling that I cried in the car when we were travelling back home because I wasn't used to being so weak, i always used to be socialble & loved doing stuff so it crushed my confidence a lot. I've learnt to cope with falls better now if I ever have one, it doesnt happen so much now because i know how much walking I can tolerate and I will alsways tell my mum or who ever I am with, that I am getting tired because it's only when my legs get tired, I'm more likely to have a fall!

Cannulas (shiver)...

Cannula..... What a horrible little word! I perfer it's latin meaning which is "little reed" If you dont know what a cannula is, it's a little tube with a needle that goes in your viens anywhere on your body! Normally for an operation it would be done on to top of your hand. Below in the picture you can see my bandaged hand where the cannula is under! I wont show you the actual cannula because basically even looking at one myself just makes me shiver because its connected to some horrible times I''ve had with cannulas.

I've had bad times with them from doctors driving to squeeze blood out of my hand to painful experiences with IV drips. IV drips were were ok the few operations I had but then each time I was on an IV drip, I had painful hands because of the liquid from the IV drip to my cannula and it always made the vien it was going into swell up somehow and was very sore going in that I would actually cry! So I developed a phobia against the actual putting the cannula in my hand by a anesthetist. I would never let them put it in and nurses had to cover my eyes and everything or hold my hand down to put it in! One of the later problems with cannulas were that they could never find a vein to put it in because my hands were always so cold! ( as I always was because I'm a wafer thin hospital robe! Who wouldn't be cold??!) Last year because of my phobia, I asked to be put to sleep by gas first before the anesthetist put any cannulas in my hand & I think I may always do so in future if I ever had any more operations, its just a horrible thing to have in your hand! I cant even look at one on a TV like any hospital programmes I may watch, real or fake! Not that I'm hoping to having any more operations or be put to sleep in the near future! I would perfer it if I never had another operation in my life again but I dont think that will ever happen....

There may always be a time in my life where I may land in hospital or have a procedure done because of my deafness or my mitochondrial condition so it's a thing I will have to sadly get used to...

A Million Love Songs Later...

One of my fave bands at the moment are Take That! I loved them in the 1990's when they got togerher. For people who may not know take that back then, they looked like this:

I love their songs and played them constantly til the time they broke up! Although I love ALL the songs by Take That. in the 90's. my favourite songs were "Love Ain't Here anymore" & " A Million Love Songs" Yes, it was sad that Robbie left but they remained strong even if they did split soon after robbie left, I still loved their songs and was very upset when they split up as did a million other girls haha!

They came back on the scene in the last few years as strong as ever! They may be older but they are still sexy! Ive fancied my way through the band and now I'm kinda smitten with Howard seen here in the picture below in orange shirt.

They get better each time they bring a new song out! I listened to "Patience" for weeks when they released it! Their songs are some of the songs that I first started listening to when I first got my cochlear implant in 1994 so they hold fond memories for me!

Weather sounds...

I love it when it rains, especially when it rains heavy. In summer, I always have my window open in my bedroom when its warm & I can stay up till the early morning hours just talking to someone on msn! While I am in my bedroom, and it starts raining heavy, it just sounds very calming! I can sometimes be on the internet in my living room and my normal chair is by the window so when it rains heavy, I can hear the pattering against the window! Its sounds like these that I’m grateful I have a cochlear implant because if there’s one sound I treasure, it’s that calm pattering of the rain!

Another form of weather that I love is thunderstorms! Once, I came home with my mum when it was pouring down and we had just got in the door when there was a BOOOOM! behind us! We thought the roof of our house had come down but it was thunder! It was the loudest I had ever heard it before but it was brilliant because I love it when you get a thrill like that! I also know that the lightening comes first, then that BOOM rolls in a few minutes later! It’s just the most amazing and thrilling sound that puts tingles down your spine & gives you goose bumps!

Snow is great to watch too, if you are all cosy inside your house! I don’t often go out in it unless I have to because of my raynaud's syndrome. It’s lovely when you have a world that’s full of white, fluffy snow when you’ve just woken up! Although, sadly we never get as much as 1 or 2 inches of snow and we haven’t had any deep snow since the early 1990’s round where I live & I was only a little kid when I saw snow as deep as that!

My best weather though, as is anyone’s is the sunshine! When it’s sunny, I’ll sit in the garden on my swing chair and read a book! I like it when I’m out in the garden too in the summer because I can hear all the different bird songs as I live near some woods! It’s just great, so peaceful, well apart from all the birdsongs but they are the best bits of being in the garden!

Blissful unawareness...

Most of the time, I am relatively good at talking to family & friends one on one about things and ok at the group thing but what I find about deafness which I hate is that I tend to miss things. Not the “I miss the occasional word” in group situations or me saying “what?” but it’s the growing up and missing the things that are going on with other people. I’m always finding out new things even now about my friends and the things that they have been through in the past because I never knew they were going on at the time due to me missing people talking about it etc. Like if friend had a problem with another friend in the past, I was in ignorant bliss of not knowing about it…? But I would have liked to be included in things like that and let me know what’s going on with people. There have always been things like “I heard this…. “ or “did u know this…” and I don’t because no one lets me know about it or I find out from someone else who has heard it but only via MSN messenger. Ah the glories of MSN messenger, where I never miss a thing of what people say because it’s written. If only there was something in life like that where you wouldn’t miss a thing of what people say and what’s going on with people. I do my best to keep up with what’s going on with my friends and family but sometimes it feels like I’m not included & if it doesn’t include me, I don’t want to end up saying something wrong or something I’m not supposed to say to someone and it’s all awkward & I feel horrible about it!

It’s happened before in the past and I’ve got in trouble with my parents with it etc because I wasn’t supposed to say something to someone but how do I know it’s a secret if no one tells me…!!!

I would prefer to know about something than someone keeping it from me especially if it includes my family and friends! I hate it when they say my family says it’s nothing to do with me but I like to feel included in things going on in the family even if it’s just as simple as something as something my brother did at university!

Although sometimes, it’s good to be blissfully unaware, if it’s an awful situation

urgh... skips....

Oh god... I have got to stop eating the crisps Skips!!! I am SO addicted to them! If i eat one, I have to eat another packet and so on... I love them because they just melt on your tounge ahh...I have never felt so big in all my life! haha
My parents keep buying me skips and mini battenburg cakes and things like that what with to put weight on etc... I may need to statt doing some excercise oh dear... Its all going on the belly now! haha I will now eat more healthy snacking on fruits rather than crisps and cakes...

Silent talking...

I wonder if anyone esle ever has moments where they think they can hear although they can't? Like when I have the external part of the cochlear implant switched off, the silent world I have lived with since i was 8 years old and am quite used to but sometimes I feel I hear something but it's just the vibration or something like that. It's a very strange feeling for example I can be in a bath in silence and I think I'm hearing splashing but i'm not if you know what I mean because I KNOW I can't hear without the cochlear implant on! Im in complete world of silence! Also, when I have my cochlear implant off my ear to go in bath or when I just want to spend some time without it on, my parents have told me that I tend to get my words jumbled up or not saying them right and that my voice goes quiet because I can't hear my voice and know what I am saying. It always go back to normal when I put the cochlear implant back on! I always found that strange! hehe

I'm really looking forward to Christmas coming! The shopping has already started! I love christmas! The songs, the get togethers with family & freiends, presents, the dressing up, christmas Tv and food!!

Christmas is gonna be good!! :D

Firework Display...

Some pictures from the Police Firework display i went to tonight! Lit a few sparklers for effect and went down to the field which is only five mins walk. I love firework displays, they just have me awestruck and stuck in one spot til its gone!

Here are some pictures of when I went tonight If you want to see them bigger click on the picture!)

Intensive memories...

I was watching a children’s hospital documentary programme on TV tonight and there was a teenager who had got meningitis and was in intensive care. She recovered from the awful meningitis but was left in Intensive care for 4 months when the meningitis affected her walking & left her weak.She was having a moment where she was fustrated about stuff and just wanted to go home and it brought back memories of the time from when I was in intensive care last year and suddenly found myself shedding a tear for her because I know just how hard it was to go through all that. I may not have had meningitis but I still had a life threatening condition where I felt all these emotions: How bloody frustrating it was to spend so long in hospital and you just want to go home, the learning to walk after being in bed for 6 long weeks, feeling so weak I could hardly stay awake or being so exhausted from the times I couldn’t sleep at night that I would cry. Feeling so weak that you can’t ever feel comfortable in bed because you can hardly move yourself and that you have to rely on nurses to look after you. Having too much time to think about things that you drive yourself mad! The torment I put my family through while I was on life support and the fact they had to come to say good bye. The confusion of bits and pieces that my family told me about what happened.

I really do not know how I got though it all and I cannot tell you how fantastic the intensive care nurses are! They really do cope with a hard job and the fact that they were so nice and were always smiling, had a laugh with them got me through one more day…
I was asked if I wanted to go back to look round intensive care and see it from another point of view about a week after I left but I said no because I had already spent 6 weeks there and felt it wasn’t necessary. Although a few months after I left hospital and I had to go for a check up, we bumped in to some of the intensive care nurses and they were really pleased to see me looking so much better than I was while I was there.

Some days, my mum reminds me how lucky I am to even be here and you know, I think she’s right.

C.I.N fun...

I woke on Monday to find I had no internet! I hated being without the internet since it’s my gateway to the outside world most of the time. I speak to my friends online a lot as well as doing my blog & being addicted to facebook! It has been a longest boring 2 days of my life since I’m always on my laptop.

However I was out of the house on Monday because I had an appointment at hospital for my mitochondrial condition so that took having no internet off my mind. It took an hour and 3 buses to get to Bradford to St Luke’s hospital. I bought a magazine to read on the bus but 10 minutes from setting off, I got a headache; I never could manage reading or sleeping anywhere else but a bed! even with my C.I switched off. I also got some ringing in my ears when I was on the bus so I switched my C.i off for a few minutes as the ringing went because it made my hearing go funny& distorted. It rarely happens but I think it’s because I’ve had a few knocks to the head so it’s fair enough that I’d get some ringing in my ears!! It mostly when I’m tired or in a vehicle like a bus or car. At worst, the ringing sort of gives jerks my head when it starts.

Well, the appointment itself went fine, I chatted to the doc about some of my concerns towards the PEG I have, such as how longer into the future I would have to have it. I’m just getting frustrated at having the PEG in my body now but I’ll just have to cope with it a bit longer! Me & mum had a bit of a joke about it with the doctor but all he is happy about is that I am looking well and better than I was in 2003 and have come a long way since then, what with going through 2 bad long stays in hospital in 2003 and last year when I ended up on life support. I also had a chat about my eyes as I was worried because as my eyelids are droopy, they tend to alter my sight like I experience double vision on close up items such as if you put something close to my face, I would see 2 of them! I am ok on items that a further away but it also depends on how I tired I am. Sometimes, when I’m talking to someone, they always seem to go for my ear or come as close to me as possible so they think I can hear them when really, the best way for me is if they were a bit further away from me so I can see their face, although not too close otherwise I will be seeing double and I have so see their mouths and lip-read so I don’t miss anything. Mostly, if people come too closely, I just take a step back but if they keep moving closer, I have to tell the person I’m talking to stay where they are because I can’t tell what they are saying because I don’t want them to think I’m being impolite by moving away from them when they are talking to me!! I also weighed myself while I was at the hospital too and I was just about still over 8 stone so was pleased about that because as long as I’m still over that 8 stone mark, my body will still look healthy than it was at the 5 stone mark.

I’m really enjoying “Celebrity Scissorhands” which is on UK television on BBC3! It’s a TV show that has celebrity’s try to train to be hairdressers and also do beauty treatments under the a real hairdresser, Lee under for 4 weeks, The salon is treated as it is a real salon and each celeb has to do their own creative cut & the best two go head to head to determine who will win on the live show on 14th November! People can apply to go to the salon while it’s open & whatever treatment they have, they pay what they think that treatment is worth. It’s all in aid of charity “Children In Need” which is an annual day, always on a Friday in November which gives everyone a chance to dress up or do silly things! You can get sponsored by people and the money goes towards it! Although what I’m slightly annoyed by is that for the last few years, I’ve heard that that the charity were going show a short video about cochlear implants (because it helps children to hear) on TV live which is on all night but they never do! I spend all night waiting for the video to come up but they never let the video go ahead because it’s slightly controversial… I did complain about it once and that’s what they told me….! I think I will probably expect it to come up on 14th November but I don’t think it will.

Looking forward to Bonfire night display on Saturday woo!