Actually...

I do have one resolution! More a challenge!

I am going to continue the knitted square quilt that I started in 2006! I have various bright coloured knitted plain & patterned squares in a box under my bed! Although, I don't know if I yet have enough to finish the blanket so I may have to knit some more squares!! I started knitting squares (not for the blanket, knittiing in general) when I was 8 because a lady on my road used to babysit me and she taught me the basics of knitting, we used to knit squares to get enough for a blanket and she would sew it up! We even did it at the junior school when I was 9 and a few other ladies and pupils of the school used to come to knitting club on a lunchtime and knit squares and the blanket would go to charity! Unfortunately, I wasn't there for the time they had a photo taken with it when it was completed as it was the time when I was in hospital having my 1st cochlear implant!

I got shown the photo when my teacher of the deaf from the junior school visited me at hospital! The quilt looked great! :D

Years later, I made my own which now is only good for a rag now!! Full of holes after much use! So I began knitting more square with also patterned squares which I got out of knitting magazines! It was so tricky to do some of the patterned ones as they are hard to do and it took me a few tries but I got there in the end and it was an achievement when I saw the squares at the end!

The box under my bed will surely come out when I'm bored at home and something to do! I've always enjoyed making things like that!

Just hope this one stays together!!

The Evaluation of 2008...

Since the New Year is upon us, I decided to do an evaluation of this year and all the great & not so great stuff that’s happened

The Great stuff:

• Starting the blog


• Seeing the blog getting more followers ( I thank you very much for reading!)


• Meeting other CI users and talking via MSN about each other's experiences


• Maintaining my weight of 8 stone


• The sunshine we had this summer


• Going to my 1st wedding out of my group of friends in July


• Seeing my old teacher of the deaf from my junior school again at my friend’s wedding.We had a good catch up! This led to volunteering at my old junior school,


• Going to cinema with mates for my 23rd birthday to see Mamma Mia! It was sooooooooooo good!


• Setting up the YCIS facebook group and getting in touch with other Cochlear implant


• Gaining more social confidence


• Flirting with the guys now and again!


• Going to Middlesbrough to see the family for Christmas!


• The annual Mates group get together on Chrsitmas eve!


• Spending time with the family on christmas Day


• 
  

The Not So Great stuff:

• Having 2 infections in my PEG ow! Also being in pain too much that I cant bear to move!


• Dissapointment from dietician about news about the amount of time I still have to have my PEG in


• My OCD/handwashing


• Not seeing my friends as much as I’d like to


• Getting upset too easily because of things said regarding my eyes or anything bad medically


• Getting fustrated about things that I cant change

I decided not to make any resolutions this year as theynever happen or gets done so at least I’ll avoid major disapointment when they don’t happen. I’ve made the same ones the last few years and it really sucks when they don’t happen! It wont stop me hoping it will happen though…

I hope everyone else has a HAPPY NEW YEAR & it brings you everything you could hope for!

My Christmas Eve & Day...

Hey, one & all

I spent my christmas eve evening in the company of my friends, I had a great time seeing everyone in my group of friends! There was food, laughter, games, talk of old times and memories, presents and I loved it! I arrived back at home at 2am! An hour after my parents & brother got home so I was the last one home so they called me a dirty stop out! haha

We all spent an hour chatting about random things before finally going to bed at 3am!I love times like that, when we just all sit there talking about odd and random things, never mind if we are drunk or sober, we were just having a good time chatting without the TV on & talking about nothing and anything!

It's safe to say I didn't sleep much! I was too excited about the day ahead and the memories of a great night I just had!

Christmas day started for me at 10am, we went to open our presents and see what we all got!

I was pretty much happy with what I had got!

We went to the local pub at 12 for our traditional christmas drink and stayed til the pub closed at 3pm.

The family came home to crackers and Christmas Dinner and just about the whole family is knackered and asleep so I settled in to classic Christmas TV and chocolates!

So Christmas Eve and Day has totally wiped me out now!

So Glad I can relax for Boxing Day & have a long lie in!!

Hope everyone's Christmas has been as good as mine!

My new favourite christmas song!!

Showaddywaddy - Hey Mr Christmas!

My awareness & The Mighty Boosh...

Today reminded me something about myself that all of my family notice which is my awareness! I have none!!!! ha! I can be in a world of my own when I'm out & about... My mum always has to stop me at roads sometimes as I'm not entirely aware of where I'm going!! If I;m on my own, I'm more aware of the world around me and am careful on the roads! I listen very carefully in the distance if there's any cars coming down the road because I can usually hear them before I see them.

Also I was in shops, and my family always had to tell me to move to let people past!Not because I'm being ignorant, but as I can't really see out of the side of my eyes because of the mitochondrial condition, i can't really move my eyes that well... so I only see what's in front of me rather than what's around me! ike today, sometimes I get friends texting me saying they saw me in town and maybe even waved at me but I never saw them!! So I feel bad that I never saw them and said hi to them!! & I have to text them later and apoligize to that friend!!

I am such a fan of The Mighty Boosh starring Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt! I just can't decide which episode or character I love because it's ALL fantastic!!! I love their "crimping" songs!

If you're not familliar with The Mighty Boosh or "Crimping" songs, here is an example




Lyrics to the crimping song:

Bouncy Bouncy
Oh such a good time
Bouncy Bouncy
Shoes all in a line
Bouncy Bouncy
Everybody
summersault,
summersault
Summertime
Everybody sing along
Bouncy Bouncy
oh such a good time
Bouncy Bouncy
White socks slipping down
Bouncy Bouncy
Stilettos are a no no
Bouncy Bouncy oh
Bouncy Bouncy oh
Everytime i bounce I feel I could touch the skyeeeee


I have to say that Vince (Noel Fielding) & Tony Harrision (Noel Feilding) are my fave characters! They are just sooooooooo funny!

Tony Harrison

Julian Barratt & Noel Fielding

I hope I'll maybe able to go see one of the Live Mighty Boosh show one day!!

Sticks & Stones...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!"

I dont't ever believe this quote because words DO hurt me... I try not to show that it has hurt me and when I'm alone, I'll have a little cry. It seems wussy but I can't help it. For example, there can be people I try to help and they don't give any praise to how much thought I've put in something and give you no thanks for it or there can be people who say things about me and how I am regardless of whether they know me or not which really upsets me because sometimes I don't want to be like how I am. I don't want to have OCD, which is mostly the factor of why I get snapped at by my family when I am so very FORCING myself not to do whatever I'm doing. It hurts when I'm out of the room and I can hear them talking about me as if they think I can't hear them but I can. My family underestimate really how much I can hear regardless whether I'm in the room or not! Sometimes I just want to go out and get drunk as possible and forget everything but I can't because I hate drinking and going out to clubs and stuff and I can't even let myself go and relax sometimes when I've got OCD things on my mind...

So when ever I'm upset, I get angry, I slam doors, hit the walls and I lock myself in my room and lie on my bed and think about stuff and have a cry and get it out of my system and it's gone the next day til the next time... It's just a neverending circle.

Sometimes I'd want to be a totally different person but I know if I hadn't gone through the stuff I have then I wouldn't the person I am today so I dont and mostly I like my personality and think if people don't like me the way I am, they aren't worth knowing but I cant do that with my family, they are always there, sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's a bad thing but I wouldn't be without them or my friends.

All I can say is the OCD is taking over my head at the moment and I can be washing my hands every half hour which the sound of running water is making my mum and dad go mad and I'm there at the sink UNBELIEVABLY trying not to wash my hands and each time I let myself down and that what upsets me because I don't want to be there. I don't want to be thinking of my mum and I can't hug her because she's touched the bloody bin! The other night she told me I will end up dragging me back to the OCD doc again if I can't get over it. I hate going there, my next appointment to see him is February which probably means the congentive therapy may be looming and I'm not looking forward to it but I know I have to do it otherwise I won't get my life back and it's always going to be stopping from doing what & where I want to go.

Monkey features...

I did this on

http://www.savethemonkeys.net/?monkey=1180724287913.JPG,1049,400,897,998,92,146,165,150,121,225,31,139,198,149,Gibbon

Maybe its because I was obsessed with eating bananas when I was younger!! Easier to eat etc...

Christingle

Today was the last day of the school as they broke up for Christmas! Lots of excitment from the kids!

I spent some of the afteroon making Christingles for the church service which is part of the school.

It brought back a lot of memories because I used to take my Christingle up to the church when I was at that same school years ago! When I got home, I rummaged through the old videos that we have! Yes videos! I was looking for my old school christmas play of 1995 which was a year after having my first implant! thats how old it is! haha With most of our generation using DVD nowdays, I spent this evening transferring the video to a dvd so I can keep it forever! It shows how much the junior school has changed in recent years! First thing I noticed on the video was that the school play of 1995 was that the play included ALL the classes in one play on a night with all parents in the hall rather than these days with health and safety being an issue, it was only two classes each doing seperate plays on dfferent days. It seems a lifetime away from the time when I was there and you would stay behind in the class after school and have fun getting all your christmas costumes on and getting all excited about the up coming play on the evening with christmas spirit in every class!!

Ah the old days! I feel old and I'm only 23!

If you are not clear on what Christingle is, it's a symbolic object that you hold for a christmas church service and I and some of the kids have been making some of these this afternoon but with raisins and dolly mixture!! We also had a ittle christmas assembly where sang some christmas hymns. There were candles all around the assmebly hall and in the dark, it was a very touching scene when all the kids were singing.

The Christingle consists of:

• The orange is round like the world
• The candle stands tall and straight and gives light in the dark like the love of God.
  
• The red ribbon goes all around the 'world' and is a symbol of the blood Jesus shed when he died for us.
  
• The four sticks point in all directions and symbolise North, South, East and West - they also represent the four seasons.
  
• The fruit and nuts (or sometimes sweets!) represent the fruits of the earth, nurtured by the sunshine and the rain.

The school is church of England so they have services and do hymns in the morning when they have an assembly. The only thing I dont miss about Christingle is that we had to walk up a loonnnnnng uphill path up to the church in the freezing cold carriyng our oranges! I like the fact that they are still tradtional and is a christian junior school!

I don't go back til after January now! Really looking forward to Christmas Eve now to see my mates! It's going to be great seeingthem again as I have'nt seen some of them for months although we are all best friends and speak online! We all have our own things going on so Christmas is always good for an annual group meet as we are all back in our home town!

Hope you all have a good Christmas too!! it's not long now!! x

Seeing Family at christmas...

I went to Middlesbrough today, was an early start at 9:ooam! Much too early for me but I was looking forward to seeing my nana! It was a 2 hr journey there and back so I listened to xmas song off a cd that my Dad was playing in the car! It was very hard to hear sometimes because whenever we are on the motorway - It can be very noisy on my cochlear implant! The roar of the road so I always sit on the left side of the car because then the radio is directly behind to my cochlear implant so I can attempt to hear music during this loud roaring noise! Sometimes it depends on the song being loud. quiet,uptempo, slow tempo etc...

I can just about hear the music over the roaring noise which is good so I hear most of the christmas songs the CD plays! It's taken me some practice!

saw my cousins too...

a brand spanking new outfit...

And lots of food and games!

Playing a DVD horse racing game! * its fake money of course!*

We exchanged our presents and saw lots of houses with lots of christmas lights! It was like going through a winter wonderland! If you want to see any more christmas pics click on any of the pictures to go to my albums!

Not long to Christmas now! It's going to be aceeeee!

C.I Social gatherings?

I always try and be as outgoing as possible but lately it has got harder for me the last few years as some of my friends no longer live in my town and have moved to get better jobs and lives and experiences...

I find it hard to make new friends sometimes as when I am out on my own or with people I dont't know, I'm as quiet as mouse and don't always speak up When I'm with my family or my best friends who have known me since school, I'm such a chatterbox! I don't understand sometimes why it can be so hard to talk to people I DON'T know the way I can talk to people I DO know! It's so easy for a deaf person to make friends via the internet with MSN & social websites such as facebook and myspace. I've always tried to stay in touch with my deaf side with the deaf community but I find it hard when i only know basic signs and cannot keep up. I find my self more part of the hearing community but would love to have more deaf community in my life should I ever lose my cochlear implant (fingers crossed it wont happen!) and find myself in my deaf world again, i won't find it so lost?

I used to go to social gathering when I was younger just after I got my cochlear implant, we used to go on outings such as trips to theme parks and places like that with a deaf club i used to go to! I don't think they do them anymore...!They used to have christmas do's too with santa giving out presents! I think it's just a plain old pub deaf club now, which is why I dont go anymore... I don't really go to theme parks anymore either as my neck is weak so I cant go on roller coasters but I guess I did all that when I was younger!

I would love to see my cochlear implant centre (YCIS) do social events though to meet other implantees in Yorkshire! The only things we have at the moment at our cochlear implant centre is Workshops such as learning to deal with a busy enviroment which I have already coped with since I was 8. I don't know if it's because of lack of people or no one to organise them but I think it would be great and I have spoke to other people who attend the YCIS who think it would be great to do it too! I know that Katie aka Advanced Bionic Girl! has social gatherings in Derby and I wonder why our centre doesn't do things like that...? It would be great I think just to meet other people and learn their experiences! Althought my ci centre does workshops, I dont think it's an ideal social gathering! I have been suggesting social things to my ci centre for the last few years but nothing has ever come of it...? Maybe once they have the new Listening For Life centre all open in January 2009, they may be able to do more things on the social side? who knows!

I hope I do get to get out to things like that in future because I'm at home a lot and want to start getting out more but I know I can't do too much too quick! As my last posts have shown, I did too much trying to fit everything in when I was at the school christmas fayre. I'm going to try and make the christmas play at the school too! :D But hopefully, gatherings as such will come up! My friends annual group gathering on Christmas Eve will be awesome as friend Kevin says! haha We hope to get a few group pictures! Every time we have a group gathering as such, a group photo is required! It's almost tradition!!

I should be in bed right now! I have to be up early tomorrow to see my nana, aunts uncles & cousins and in a 2 car journey to Middlesbrough. We will also stop off at the cemertry there to lay a christmas weath for my grandad who sadly died on boxing day. RIP Grandad x

Vote for me!

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groovychik007 http://www.wellsphere.com/linkOut.s?link=http%3a%2f%2fwww.lozsmedicaljourney.blogspot.com

Everything is underway...

Right, I've got 9 things checked off my "do to list for christmas!" I'm really looking forawrd to this weekend to get my haircut and see my nana and family up in Middlesbro'! Love seeing my nana, she's so funny at times! I wish she lived closer so I could see her more!

I've got my new clothes for the weekend and for Christmas Eve and Day! I tried them on tonight to make sure they suited me and fitted etc... Also, after a fustrating few days, my stiffness of my body is getting better so that's something! So I''m feeling gooood about the upcoming christmas now!!

I'm sure i'll have some pictures on soon!

For now, here is a quiz...

Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?Hot Chocolate... Gotta be hot choc! It's delish! Warms you up!

Does Santa wrap presents or set them under the tree? Well the Elves wrap the pressies and Santa delivers them! haha

Colored lights on tree or white? We have a fibre optic tree that automatically changes colours! It looks magical! We have white lights on our window and blue & multicoloured lights on the trees outside our house! It looks very christmassy!

When do you put your decorations up? HMM... we put ours up as soon as it was Dec 1st!!

What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)? Gotta be the chicken that mum cooks every year for christmas day!

Favorite Holiday memory as a child? When we had our annual christmas eve party! Our families and friends would come and there would be food spread on the table to eat! Sadly, we don't have those parties anymore as people have moved on... divorced or moved away which is a shame because i always loved them!

When and how did you learn the truth about Santa? I think I just found out myself really as I grew up and learnt the truth! That doesn't mean it spoils the magic of christmas!! :0)

Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve? I'm not going to lie... my parents always let me and brother open one present on christmas eve! I don't do that now though, I wait til christmas Day!

How do you decorate your Christmas tree? Well, we don't have to as it's a fibre optic tree but we do put some silver ornaments on it!

Snow! Love it or Dread it?I LOVE IT of course! I love to watch it snow! But I don't like to go out in it!! haha

Can you ice skate? The only time I ice skated was when i was a kid and I went to Wales! I had fun but then I fell and cut my knee open! I still have the scar!!!

Do you remember your favorite gift?Er... I think it was the laptop last year! That was the best prezzie ever!

What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you? For me, it's seeing my nana and family & my mates! It's one of those rare times me and all the group of mates will get together and catch up!

What is your favorite Holiday Dessert ? Gotta be Trifle! We always have it after our christmas day dinner!

Which do you prefer, Giving or Receiving? Erm, I like em both really! hehe

What is your favorite Christmas Song? Either Wham - Last Christmas or Band Aid - Feed the world

Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?Erm, not really tried one as they are too hard on my teeth!!

Ever recycled a Christmas present?My parents probably have done it for me!

XMAS Groove!

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

A bit of fun...

Still down and out at my latop so....

Now for some more fun:

David has tagged me to write part of a story. Rather then me explain, I have copied on text, and will tag the following to write this creative masterpiece along with the rest of us that have done.

Melissa

Katie-Louise

Kara

Vivie

Laura-Peach-

Jennifer

Danielle

Fiona

Louise

Here is what she wrote and the rules, and the story. I hope you enjoy!I, Splotchy has started a new strain of story virus and indeed it is going viral! Here are the rules to play this creative game:Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread.

So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours.

Alright, simple enough. Now for the start of the story:

The bus was more crowded than usual. It was bitterly cold outside, and I hadn't prepared for it. I noticed that a fair number of the riders were dressed curiously. As I glanced around, I stretched my feet and kicked up against a large, heavy cardboard box laying under the seat in front of me. (Splotchy)

The man who apparently owned the box glared at me and I moved my feet closer toward my seat and sat up straighter. Outside the wind was blowing hard and I watched out the window as the tree limbs swayed along the street and people clutched their scarves more closely about their heads as they made their way into the wind. We passed a building that had a flag pole and the flag it flew stood straight out and flapped angrily it seemed to me. I bemoaned my fate of having forgotten my hat, gloves and scarf on such a miserable day but I had been running late and had to get to the bus stop if I wanted to get to work on time.

After a few moments of surveying the frigid scene outside my window I returned my attention to my fellow passengers on the bus and noted with some alarm that one woman was so bundled up in her hat, coat, and heavy wool scarf that it was hard to even see her face. Another man sitting next to the gentleman with the cardboard box wore a jumpsuit which I found very peculiar indeed. He was sitting quietly with his eyes closed and seemed to be sleeping. My gaze upon him though brought his eyes open with a snap and he stared straight into my eyes with a most hypnotic gaze. His eyes were a bright light green. I had never seen such beautiful green eyes and could not look away. It reminded me of that famous photo taken of the Afghan girl, the eyes were so striking and fierce even. I tried to look away but it was impossible. (Liberality)

The intenseness of those eyes, sent a "warm" chill through my body, so very hard to fathom the clash to my senses. Stop after stop, the stoic passengers would disembark to face the fierce weather, knowing I would be facing the same horrid elements within a matter of minutes. The green-eyed gentleman was rising from his seat to head out into the storm, when he tripped over the cardboard box, which had slid into the aisle, bringing a horrible scream from the owner. As it pushed up against the seat just behind the driver, the lid came open and there were screams from everyone surrounding this wicked sight. (themom)

My first instict was to join the maddening crowd in blood curdling screams, but I refrained. It was of course a sight to bring about screams for many, and curiosity for those like me. I have seen these spiders before, in books really, and actually knew of their variety from my college biology days. As the mans box broke, thousands, if not more, spiders scrambled out of their captivity. It was a curious site indeed, as these spiders were not your garden variety, but huge mothers of nature. Not poisonous as the crowd of those that lifted feet and jumped on the bus seats would have their biological instincts instruct, but big buggers! Biggest you would ever see in most parts of the world. The owner of the box of course was upset, and this intrigued me. What was he doing with these arachnid's? Especially this species that I immediately noted was not technically an arachnid or spider due to the fact that they have a small antenae that is prominent. I off course noted this right away. This rare species is found in remote locations in hot countries close to salt water. I tried to connect his amazingly green eyes to the indiginous zone of these creatures, but could not. This I knew: Here, near the great lakes, they would be impossible to find. On this bus, on this route, at this time, there were hundreds of thousands loose! (DAVID)

As the spiders scuttled about, alomost escaping off the bus as the owner struggled to scoop them all back in to the box. People on the bus trying not to touch the sides of the bus thinking they are crawling the walls....

Kids were running around after the spiders while parents were grabbing their kids back screaming at them not to touch them. Someone opened the door! The spiders sense the coldness from the outisde of the bus and all scuttle out as the owner of the cardboard box screams "SHUT THE DOOR THESE SPIDERS ARE GENETICALLY MADE!" People started murmuring and one girl in the corner of the bus said "Are you serious?? are they dangerous??" "No No" he stuttered, "they are bred for testing" "testing of what" screamed the girl! "they have been bred for their vibration skills, their tiny little hairs on their legs!" the man says dramaticly! the girl says curiously "vibrations... wow!" (Laura J)

Woes...

I'm sitting in my bedroom at the PC, instead of my usual couch with laptop at the moment as I'm confined to my bedroom as my parents sleep!

The reason

I can't get out of my sofa chair in living room where my laptop is when my body feels stiff as it's too low

Parents wanted to go to bed so I had to come upstairs to my bedroom the same time they did as they have to assist me by walking behind me up the stairs should my knees buckle and I fall down the stairs...

You may ask why can't I do these simple things which is because of the mitrochdrial condition and it makes bits of my body weak when I've done too much in too little time hence the christmas fayre at the school yesterday which I was on my feet from 1pm til 6pm doing errands and things like that. The thing is I don't hurt when doing whatever I'm doing at the time, the aches just sort of creeps up on me later on in the day! I came straight home from the christmas fayre at 6:30pm, made a cuppa and collpased in my chair! I dont think I had anything to eat since I had some food and snacks before setting off to the school at 12:30. God knows walking up the little hill to the school cripped me when I get off the 10 minute bus ride there as I normally get a lift off my brother or dad to the side of school.

My parents have enlisted me to have a walk everyday even if its just to the post box down the road to strengthen up my leg muscles and whole body. To be honest, I haven't felt like this since I was in ICU and I was learning to to get on my feet again after being laid up for 5 weeks...!

It's such hard work to do the littlest thing such as go to the toliet or just put some clothes on because I can hardly lift my legs up when I'm standing! If I bend over to do it, my knee is gonma buckle and I'll end up in a heap on the floor! I've cried several times today out of fustration and I can't rest til I'm sat down somewhere safe and won't fall over. My parents have been forcing me to do things myself such as getting out of the low sofa chair!

Hopefully it won't last long, hate being like this!

Even more Christmassy stuff...

With the help of my brother to help me what the santa was saying,I put subs on this video! It was so tricky listening to what the santa was saying because it's an very fast up tempo song so we had to keep repeating the santa over and over again til we got the words that he was saying right! I got some words correct like the Merry Christmas and other lyrics BUT even my brother had a hard time knowing what certain words were and he's hearing! But we got there in the end!





This is Mrs Porter, my old junior school helper at the school that i volunteer at (i stayed in touch with her)


This is Miiss Boocock, the teacher I help in class dressed up as an Elf for Santa's Grotto!


The xmas grotto at the school

To view more pictures of the christmas fayre click on one of the last 3 pictures!

Positivity/Negativity

I always try to remain positive about everything going on in my life at the moment. I hate it if one of my friends or family is sad or upset, I'll try my very best to cheer them up! I make the best of what I have got in life. My family & friends are amazing at cheering me up at the low points of my life! I realise how lucky I am to have such good support from my family and friends when I really need them! They make me laugh when I'm down or upset about something and help me put a positive spin on the thing i'm upset about! I hate being depressed about something & do my best to sort it out and make my happy as possible! I try to have friends who are positive and always happy although i know people aren't always happy but as long as they got a positive attitude & know how to have a laugh then I am happy too!

i spent 6 months being depressed because of my diagnosis of being in hospital in 2003 when I was first admitted for my mitochondrial condition and I've worked hard at being happy again! So my family are glad that i'm finally back to my cheerful self!

Times when I'm happy:

• Talking to friends via MSN/text/in person
• When someone in my family circle does something funny (love you nana!)
• When I have my cochlear implant on & istening to music
• Making crafty things
• When i'm having a good flirt with the guys (hey im a single girl!)
• Volunteering at the school
• Watching movies
• Comedy classic sitcoms on TV
• Watching Neville the hamster do funny things!

Times when I get upset or sad:

• When I'm on my monthly cycle (you know what I'm talking about girls! Hormones crazy!)
• When my family & friends are sad or upset (I do my best to help them!)
• If someone says a bad comment to me
• When I'm on my own at home (I love company!)
• If I'm in any pain

In Pain...

My PEG area has been extremely sore these last few days so it hurts my stomach area whenever I move so I've been having some painkiller medicene for it. It's unavoidable, having pain in your PEG which is kinda rubbish but I know how to handle the ways of pain of my PEG. My nursey carer of me who goes by the name of mum, put on some cream and a cotton wool dressing between my PEG & stomach to stop it irritating and stop it rubbing against the stomach. It's never got as bad as the first time it happened though because that was such terrible pain!

Another source of pain is a giant spot on my head which has been bothering me for the last 2 days! I've been splashing my dad's aftershave on it to get rid of it by christmas! hehe Hopefully it will be gone in a few days! It's the least of my worries! :0)

Gona have some fun decorating the house with christmassy stuff now!!

Our xmas tree...

By the way, the music is not coming from the tree! It's christmas songs from the music channel on TV!

1st Dec! Woo!

Wow It's the first of December already! I have made my blog very festive for you all! The current blog picture is from last year but I will soon have another few christmassy pictures to choose from this year soon! :0)

We are putting up our large fibre optic tree as I type! Lots of tinsel to decorate the house! Ooh and I opened my advent calender which is a Dr Who one with a dalek on the front! hehe I'm such a big kid!!!

I'm now going to write out my christmas cards!!

Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

'Tis the season to be jolly

Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la

Christmas is on the way....!

I’m really looking forward to Christmas as December creeps in! I have been listening to Christmas songs for the last 2 weeks or so much to the despair of my parents! Christmas comes earlier each year! Haha!
I am still to buy myself an advent calendar as I have had one every year! On the 1st of December we will be putting up our large fibre optic tree & switch on the lights on our tree in the front garden! My parents put the sparkly blue lights on the tree in preparation and to test them out! I will post pictures of them soon!
We decorate the whole of the living room with little ornaments of Christmas such as little Santa’s and light up snowmen and also some bouncing Santa’s that you hang up and then when you hit them they go “MERRY CHRISTMAS!” ! Our house is going to look sooooo festive!! I’m already feeling VERY festive as there’s Christmassy commercials, lights, Xmas shopping in town!

My list for Christmas!

• opening my advernt calender
• Get a sexy haircut
• Go the junior school's christmas fayre
• Send christmas cards
• Putting the fibre optic tree up in the living room
• switching on the christmas lights on the tree outside
• decorate the living room with tinsel!
• Load Christmassy pictures from my camera!
• Go shopping for christmas outfits to wear on Christmas Eve & Day
• Wrap presents
• Go to my nana's house in Middlesbrough to see the rest of the family & exchange presents
• Listen to even more christmas songs (including playing Wham - Last Christmas a thousand times!!)
• See mates for christmas Eve as we get together as group and catch up!
• Celebrate christmas Day with parents and brother, open presents and go to the pub
• Watch Christmas TV specials including Dr who!

Ah What a good & busy time Christmas is! I hope everyone else has a good and Happy Christmas planned! xx

Showing off...

I have never made a secret that I am deaf and have a cochlear implant to people I meet but I never really show my cochlear implant off....
I always wear my hair down & hate it when I show my ears off sometimes because of the surgery i've had on both my ears, i'm left with my right ear that's flat as a pancake thats practically stuck to my head and my left ear that sticks out a bit because of my cochlear implant that rests on it. I get scared of showing it off in case someone snatches the cochlear implant from my ear so i never really wear my hair up when I go to town or somewhere busy like that! I'll wear my hair up when i'm spending time with family or seeing friends at their houses! I just couldn't risk losing my cochlear implant because it's a part of me, its the first thing I put on in the morning to the time I take it off for bed and I wouldn't like it if something happened to it and I had to spend a few days without hearing!

I'm going to wear my hair up for the volunteering at the junior school tomorrow. Only 3 kids know I am deaf in the class I help in because I told them on Wedsnesday and showed them the cochlear implant. Kids are always curious about things they dont know about! It's probably gone around the class now that "Laura's deaf!" Maybe that will teach them not to be so noisy in the class in future and listen to me! hehe I hope the kids understand what a cochlear implant is though?! If not, I shall let them know!

Owwwww...

I just had me another fall tonight owwww! God i hate it when that happens! It's usually because I'm so bloody clumsy and trip over my own feet! I dont pick my legs up enough when I'm walking so usually if there's a bump or anything in the pavement, I'll certainly trip over it!

:O(

When I have some kind of fall, it always seem to go in slow motion... weeeeeeeeee bump to the ground! Landed on my bottom and sorta pulled my arm so they will be sore tomorrow!!
I'm definitely staying in to bed tomorrow so I dont have to spend the day with a pain in my bum!

At least it's not the worse fall! The worst fall I had was after the month in hospital (see blog post Myasthenia gravis) and after I had Christmas to recover from that month in hospital, me and my family went to holiday destination Blackpool that summer in 2004 but because I wasn't fully back to normal health, the walking everywhere for a week took it's toll on me and at the end of the holldiay when we were just walking to the car to go back home, I finally collapsed!

My legs just totally went but it wasn't just me that was hurt with the massive bruises on my knees because I hit concrete floor! You see, when I'm with my mum, we always link arms (putting my arms throught my mum's arms)when we are walking together, and when I fell that time, I was still holding her arm so she took the whole weight of me and ended up with a bruise on her arm too from where I had grabbed hold of her to stop me falling forward. I knew it was heavy fall because I end up making a hole in the jeans I was wearing at the time! I was just so fustrated at the time at falling that I cried in the car when we were travelling back home because I wasn't used to being so weak, i always used to be socialble & loved doing stuff so it crushed my confidence a lot. I've learnt to cope with falls better now if I ever have one, it doesnt happen so much now because i know how much walking I can tolerate and I will alsways tell my mum or who ever I am with, that I am getting tired because it's only when my legs get tired, I'm more likely to have a fall!

Cannulas (shiver)...

Cannula..... What a horrible little word! I perfer it's latin meaning which is "little reed" If you dont know what a cannula is, it's a little tube with a needle that goes in your viens anywhere on your body! Normally for an operation it would be done on to top of your hand. Below in the picture you can see my bandaged hand where the cannula is under! I wont show you the actual cannula because basically even looking at one myself just makes me shiver because its connected to some horrible times I''ve had with cannulas.

I've had bad times with them from doctors driving to squeeze blood out of my hand to painful experiences with IV drips. IV drips were were ok the few operations I had but then each time I was on an IV drip, I had painful hands because of the liquid from the IV drip to my cannula and it always made the vien it was going into swell up somehow and was very sore going in that I would actually cry! So I developed a phobia against the actual putting the cannula in my hand by a anesthetist. I would never let them put it in and nurses had to cover my eyes and everything or hold my hand down to put it in! One of the later problems with cannulas were that they could never find a vein to put it in because my hands were always so cold! ( as I always was because I'm a wafer thin hospital robe! Who wouldn't be cold??!) Last year because of my phobia, I asked to be put to sleep by gas first before the anesthetist put any cannulas in my hand & I think I may always do so in future if I ever had any more operations, its just a horrible thing to have in your hand! I cant even look at one on a TV like any hospital programmes I may watch, real or fake! Not that I'm hoping to having any more operations or be put to sleep in the near future! I would perfer it if I never had another operation in my life again but I dont think that will ever happen....

There may always be a time in my life where I may land in hospital or have a procedure done because of my deafness or my mitochondrial condition so it's a thing I will have to sadly get used to...

A Million Love Songs Later...

One of my fave bands at the moment are Take That! I loved them in the 1990's when they got togerher. For people who may not know take that back then, they looked like this:

I love their songs and played them constantly til the time they broke up! Although I love ALL the songs by Take That. in the 90's. my favourite songs were "Love Ain't Here anymore" & " A Million Love Songs" Yes, it was sad that Robbie left but they remained strong even if they did split soon after robbie left, I still loved their songs and was very upset when they split up as did a million other girls haha!

They came back on the scene in the last few years as strong as ever! They may be older but they are still sexy! Ive fancied my way through the band and now I'm kinda smitten with Howard seen here in the picture below in orange shirt.

They get better each time they bring a new song out! I listened to "Patience" for weeks when they released it! Their songs are some of the songs that I first started listening to when I first got my cochlear implant in 1994 so they hold fond memories for me!

Weather sounds...

I love it when it rains, especially when it rains heavy. In summer, I always have my window open in my bedroom when its warm & I can stay up till the early morning hours just talking to someone on msn! While I am in my bedroom, and it starts raining heavy, it just sounds very calming! I can sometimes be on the internet in my living room and my normal chair is by the window so when it rains heavy, I can hear the pattering against the window! Its sounds like these that I’m grateful I have a cochlear implant because if there’s one sound I treasure, it’s that calm pattering of the rain!

Another form of weather that I love is thunderstorms! Once, I came home with my mum when it was pouring down and we had just got in the door when there was a BOOOOM! behind us! We thought the roof of our house had come down but it was thunder! It was the loudest I had ever heard it before but it was brilliant because I love it when you get a thrill like that! I also know that the lightening comes first, then that BOOM rolls in a few minutes later! It’s just the most amazing and thrilling sound that puts tingles down your spine & gives you goose bumps!

Snow is great to watch too, if you are all cosy inside your house! I don’t often go out in it unless I have to because of my raynaud's syndrome. It’s lovely when you have a world that’s full of white, fluffy snow when you’ve just woken up! Although, sadly we never get as much as 1 or 2 inches of snow and we haven’t had any deep snow since the early 1990’s round where I live & I was only a little kid when I saw snow as deep as that!

My best weather though, as is anyone’s is the sunshine! When it’s sunny, I’ll sit in the garden on my swing chair and read a book! I like it when I’m out in the garden too in the summer because I can hear all the different bird songs as I live near some woods! It’s just great, so peaceful, well apart from all the birdsongs but they are the best bits of being in the garden!

Blissful unawareness...

Most of the time, I am relatively good at talking to family & friends one on one about things and ok at the group thing but what I find about deafness which I hate is that I tend to miss things. Not the “I miss the occasional word” in group situations or me saying “what?” but it’s the growing up and missing the things that are going on with other people. I’m always finding out new things even now about my friends and the things that they have been through in the past because I never knew they were going on at the time due to me missing people talking about it etc. Like if friend had a problem with another friend in the past, I was in ignorant bliss of not knowing about it…? But I would have liked to be included in things like that and let me know what’s going on with people. There have always been things like “I heard this…. “ or “did u know this…” and I don’t because no one lets me know about it or I find out from someone else who has heard it but only via MSN messenger. Ah the glories of MSN messenger, where I never miss a thing of what people say because it’s written. If only there was something in life like that where you wouldn’t miss a thing of what people say and what’s going on with people. I do my best to keep up with what’s going on with my friends and family but sometimes it feels like I’m not included & if it doesn’t include me, I don’t want to end up saying something wrong or something I’m not supposed to say to someone and it’s all awkward & I feel horrible about it!

It’s happened before in the past and I’ve got in trouble with my parents with it etc because I wasn’t supposed to say something to someone but how do I know it’s a secret if no one tells me…!!!

I would prefer to know about something than someone keeping it from me especially if it includes my family and friends! I hate it when they say my family says it’s nothing to do with me but I like to feel included in things going on in the family even if it’s just as simple as something as something my brother did at university!

Although sometimes, it’s good to be blissfully unaware, if it’s an awful situation

urgh... skips....

Oh god... I have got to stop eating the crisps Skips!!! I am SO addicted to them! If i eat one, I have to eat another packet and so on... I love them because they just melt on your tounge ahh...I have never felt so big in all my life! haha
My parents keep buying me skips and mini battenburg cakes and things like that what with to put weight on etc... I may need to statt doing some excercise oh dear... Its all going on the belly now! haha I will now eat more healthy snacking on fruits rather than crisps and cakes...

Silent talking...

I wonder if anyone esle ever has moments where they think they can hear although they can't? Like when I have the external part of the cochlear implant switched off, the silent world I have lived with since i was 8 years old and am quite used to but sometimes I feel I hear something but it's just the vibration or something like that. It's a very strange feeling for example I can be in a bath in silence and I think I'm hearing splashing but i'm not if you know what I mean because I KNOW I can't hear without the cochlear implant on! Im in complete world of silence! Also, when I have my cochlear implant off my ear to go in bath or when I just want to spend some time without it on, my parents have told me that I tend to get my words jumbled up or not saying them right and that my voice goes quiet because I can't hear my voice and know what I am saying. It always go back to normal when I put the cochlear implant back on! I always found that strange! hehe

I'm really looking forward to Christmas coming! The shopping has already started! I love christmas! The songs, the get togethers with family & freiends, presents, the dressing up, christmas Tv and food!!

Christmas is gonna be good!! :D

Firework Display...

Some pictures from the Police Firework display i went to tonight! Lit a few sparklers for effect and went down to the field which is only five mins walk. I love firework displays, they just have me awestruck and stuck in one spot til its gone!

Here are some pictures of when I went tonight If you want to see them bigger click on the picture!)

Intensive memories...

I was watching a children’s hospital documentary programme on TV tonight and there was a teenager who had got meningitis and was in intensive care. She recovered from the awful meningitis but was left in Intensive care for 4 months when the meningitis affected her walking & left her weak.She was having a moment where she was fustrated about stuff and just wanted to go home and it brought back memories of the time from when I was in intensive care last year and suddenly found myself shedding a tear for her because I know just how hard it was to go through all that. I may not have had meningitis but I still had a life threatening condition where I felt all these emotions: How bloody frustrating it was to spend so long in hospital and you just want to go home, the learning to walk after being in bed for 6 long weeks, feeling so weak I could hardly stay awake or being so exhausted from the times I couldn’t sleep at night that I would cry. Feeling so weak that you can’t ever feel comfortable in bed because you can hardly move yourself and that you have to rely on nurses to look after you. Having too much time to think about things that you drive yourself mad! The torment I put my family through while I was on life support and the fact they had to come to say good bye. The confusion of bits and pieces that my family told me about what happened.

I really do not know how I got though it all and I cannot tell you how fantastic the intensive care nurses are! They really do cope with a hard job and the fact that they were so nice and were always smiling, had a laugh with them got me through one more day…
I was asked if I wanted to go back to look round intensive care and see it from another point of view about a week after I left but I said no because I had already spent 6 weeks there and felt it wasn’t necessary. Although a few months after I left hospital and I had to go for a check up, we bumped in to some of the intensive care nurses and they were really pleased to see me looking so much better than I was while I was there.

Some days, my mum reminds me how lucky I am to even be here and you know, I think she’s right.

C.I.N fun...

I woke on Monday to find I had no internet! I hated being without the internet since it’s my gateway to the outside world most of the time. I speak to my friends online a lot as well as doing my blog & being addicted to facebook! It has been a longest boring 2 days of my life since I’m always on my laptop.

However I was out of the house on Monday because I had an appointment at hospital for my mitochondrial condition so that took having no internet off my mind. It took an hour and 3 buses to get to Bradford to St Luke’s hospital. I bought a magazine to read on the bus but 10 minutes from setting off, I got a headache; I never could manage reading or sleeping anywhere else but a bed! even with my C.I switched off. I also got some ringing in my ears when I was on the bus so I switched my C.i off for a few minutes as the ringing went because it made my hearing go funny& distorted. It rarely happens but I think it’s because I’ve had a few knocks to the head so it’s fair enough that I’d get some ringing in my ears!! It mostly when I’m tired or in a vehicle like a bus or car. At worst, the ringing sort of gives jerks my head when it starts.

Well, the appointment itself went fine, I chatted to the doc about some of my concerns towards the PEG I have, such as how longer into the future I would have to have it. I’m just getting frustrated at having the PEG in my body now but I’ll just have to cope with it a bit longer! Me & mum had a bit of a joke about it with the doctor but all he is happy about is that I am looking well and better than I was in 2003 and have come a long way since then, what with going through 2 bad long stays in hospital in 2003 and last year when I ended up on life support. I also had a chat about my eyes as I was worried because as my eyelids are droopy, they tend to alter my sight like I experience double vision on close up items such as if you put something close to my face, I would see 2 of them! I am ok on items that a further away but it also depends on how I tired I am. Sometimes, when I’m talking to someone, they always seem to go for my ear or come as close to me as possible so they think I can hear them when really, the best way for me is if they were a bit further away from me so I can see their face, although not too close otherwise I will be seeing double and I have so see their mouths and lip-read so I don’t miss anything. Mostly, if people come too closely, I just take a step back but if they keep moving closer, I have to tell the person I’m talking to stay where they are because I can’t tell what they are saying because I don’t want them to think I’m being impolite by moving away from them when they are talking to me!! I also weighed myself while I was at the hospital too and I was just about still over 8 stone so was pleased about that because as long as I’m still over that 8 stone mark, my body will still look healthy than it was at the 5 stone mark.

I’m really enjoying “Celebrity Scissorhands” which is on UK television on BBC3! It’s a TV show that has celebrity’s try to train to be hairdressers and also do beauty treatments under the a real hairdresser, Lee under for 4 weeks, The salon is treated as it is a real salon and each celeb has to do their own creative cut & the best two go head to head to determine who will win on the live show on 14th November! People can apply to go to the salon while it’s open & whatever treatment they have, they pay what they think that treatment is worth. It’s all in aid of charity “Children In Need” which is an annual day, always on a Friday in November which gives everyone a chance to dress up or do silly things! You can get sponsored by people and the money goes towards it! Although what I’m slightly annoyed by is that for the last few years, I’ve heard that that the charity were going show a short video about cochlear implants (because it helps children to hear) on TV live which is on all night but they never do! I spend all night waiting for the video to come up but they never let the video go ahead because it’s slightly controversial… I did complain about it once and that’s what they told me….! I think I will probably expect it to come up on 14th November but I don’t think it will.

Looking forward to Bonfire night display on Saturday woo!

Ear Pain and Random thoughts...

My implanted ear is playing up! I have a sore little ball in my ear lobe. I dont know why I get it but its sore and annoys me. It makes me paranoid in a way because the slightest little pain I get with my ear, I assume it's the start of an ear infection and I'm terrified i'll lose the cochlear implant that I have treasured for many years and has become a part of me. My parents reassure me that now I'm getting nutrients from the liquid feed in to my PEG and it will protect as much as it can do from ear infections. It was around November in 2000 that I lost my 1st cochlear implant in my right ear and although it wasnt a big deal at the time, it is now because I worry i'll lose this one too and I wont be able to have another one implanted should it ever happen. I TOUCH WOOD & CROSS MY FINGERS AND TOES that it never will lose my cochlear implant!!

Another thing I find myself thinking about is the quality of the implant that is embedded in my skull as I grow up, time moves on and technology gets better etc The external part of the cochlear implant equipment moves on too so in the future, maybe my internal implant wont be compatible or updated enough for the new external pieces. Whcih would mean I may need to have another operation to get a new internal implant in the future to keep up with the technology? I always think iF IT EVER HAPPENS, I will deal with it at the time and make my choice.

Cochlear implant sounding board...

I have discovered through the DEAF BLOG that they have launched a new sounding board for Cochlear implants with any questions they wish to ask or help others with you experience of their cochlear implants!

I think its very good and well thought out and you can read on other people's answers and experiences towards their CI's.

Here is the link for the forum on the ear foundation website.

http://soundingboard.earfoundation.org.uk/forum/

I am also going to put the link for the Ear Foundation website on my links on the side of the blog as well as the forum link!

Deaf Backgrounds...

I was watching See Hear (a Deaf related programme on BBC2 on TV) It was about 4 different deaf children from different backgrounds. There was:

A child with a deaf family
A child who had a cochlear implant at 18 months old who mixes with both hearing and deaf children
A child with a hearing family
A child who from a hearing family that signed AND speech. They then changed the child to a hearing school so had to mix with hearing people.

I thought it was very interesting to see different points of view from different backgrounds; however I was angry and thought the deaf family were selfish to deny their child a cochlear implant because the rest of the family was deaf as the child will still have been deaf. I always thought that parents would want the best future for their child so why is it right to deny their chance of hearing and stay in their silent world to suit them? They could learn to sign AND hear! If she grows up and decides she wants a cochlear implant to experience the hearing world she will have lost out on months or years of speech and listening skills because she has been in her deaf world for so long and it would be more difficult to adjust?

I have always seen myself that I am deaf with a cochlear implant therefore I have the best of both worlds. It hasn’t changed my outlook because I have a cochlear implant and I can hear with it on, I am still interested in the deaf world as well as the hearing world and have both hearing AND deaf friends regarding I am not fluent in British Sign Language and I have good speech thanks to the help of a cochlear implant and speech therapy.

I was brought up with a hearing family and feel they made the right choice to give me a cochlear implant when I was 9 years old. They sent me to hearing schools with the help of teachers of the deaf and in High school where there was a deaf base so I had interaction with other deaf children as well as hearing children. I feel it has shaped me into the person I am. An adult who is deaf with a cochlear implant who has good speech and basic finger spelling sign language which I want to learn more! I can also be sociable with both deaf AND hearing people.

Rant over :0) Thank you for listening!